A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes." whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy." whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the
whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear-piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
"ME."
Glad to know I'm not the only one who had a crash course into parenthood...lol. Gotta love it! ~Akira~
July 18, 2007
July 12, 2007
YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING IN 2007 WHEN....
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself....
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself....
Dear Tech Support
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from GIRLFRIEND-7.0 to WIFE-1.0.
Soon I noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took a lot space and valuable resources.
In addition, WIFE 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other systems activities. Applications such like POKER NIGHTS-10.3, FOOTBALL-5.0, HUNTING-4.8, FISHING-7.5 and GOLFING-3.6.
I can’t seem to keep WIFE-1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to GIRLFRIEND-7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on WIFE-1.0 so please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User……..
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from GIRLFRIEND-7.0 to WIFE-1.0 thinking that it’s just a Utilities and Entertainment program. WIFE-1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!!! It’s also impossible to delete WIFE-1.0 and to return to GIRLFRIEND-7.0. It’s impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You can’t go back to GIRLFRIEND-7.0 because WIFE-1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your WIFE-1.0 manual under Warning-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep WIFE-1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The Best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
WIFE-1.0 is a great program but it tends to be very high maintenance. It comes with several support programs such as CLEAN-3.9, SWEEP-3.6, COOK-8.9 and do BILLS-4.2.
However be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NAG/NAG-9.9. Once this happens the only way to improve the performance of WIFE-1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend FLOWERS-2.1 AND DIAMONDS-5.0!
WARNING!!!!
DO NOT under any circumstances install SECRETARY WITH SHORT SKIRT-3.3. This application isn’t supported by WIFE-1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best Luck,
Tech Support!
Last year I upgraded from GIRLFRIEND-7.0 to WIFE-1.0.
Soon I noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took a lot space and valuable resources.
In addition, WIFE 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other systems activities. Applications such like POKER NIGHTS-10.3, FOOTBALL-5.0, HUNTING-4.8, FISHING-7.5 and GOLFING-3.6.
I can’t seem to keep WIFE-1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to GIRLFRIEND-7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on WIFE-1.0 so please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User……..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from GIRLFRIEND-7.0 to WIFE-1.0 thinking that it’s just a Utilities and Entertainment program. WIFE-1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!!! It’s also impossible to delete WIFE-1.0 and to return to GIRLFRIEND-7.0. It’s impossible to uninstall or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You can’t go back to GIRLFRIEND-7.0 because WIFE-1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your WIFE-1.0 manual under Warning-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep WIFE-1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The Best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
WIFE-1.0 is a great program but it tends to be very high maintenance. It comes with several support programs such as CLEAN-3.9, SWEEP-3.6, COOK-8.9 and do BILLS-4.2.
However be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NAG/NAG-9.9. Once this happens the only way to improve the performance of WIFE-1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend FLOWERS-2.1 AND DIAMONDS-5.0!
WARNING!!!!
DO NOT under any circumstances install SECRETARY WITH SHORT SKIRT-3.3. This application isn’t supported by WIFE-1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best Luck,
Tech Support!
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